I remember when I was a
little kid hearing the expression, "politics makes strange
bedfellows," and being troubled by what that meant. In my mind I
pictured George Wallace, Hubert Humphrey and Richard Nixon all in those long
pointy striped nightcaps and ankle length nightshirts having a pajama party
with pillow fights, popcorn and scary movies. I went through a spell of
idealism as a politically informed young adult that made me laugh at the
foolishness of this notion, but now I'm not so sure.
With age comes wisdom
and I have begun to suspect that our whole political system might be just one
choreographed event after another kind of like Live 'Rastlin. I realize that
this comes as a shock to many of you, but yes, wrestling is rigged. It's
staged. Preplanned. Due to a strange series of events, I found myself
backstage before a match once and watched them go over their lines and moves to
insure that no one really gets hurt. It's decided who the good guy is and who
the bad guy is and which good guys go bad and why. Trash talk is
engineered to make you hate the people you are supposed to hate and side with
the person that needs to be the winner to perpetuate the story line. Keeping
the hate spewing keeps the story line going and keeps the money rolling
in. If you think about it there are a lot of similarities between
politics and wrestling. Wrestlers and politicians both need to be audacious
and somewhat narcissistic and they both use The Finisher. For those of you who
are unfamiliar, this is a term used for a wrestler's signature closing move
signaling that the match is over. In politics this would be the part where the
Democrats accuse the Republicans of robbing the middle class to give to the
rich and the Republicans accuse the Democrats of robbing the middle class to
give to the lazy. Anything to stir people up and make them want to punch each
other.
If I was going to pick a
wrestler to be president, my vote would go to Tojo Yamamoto. He was always a
bad guy on air but in reality he guided the careers of many who went on to be
very successful in the business, so he would be good at getting the job market
moving again. I double checked and he was in fact born in Hawaii, so that
shouldn't be a problem. But then I noticed that he has been dead for several
years so he would only be eligible to be the president of Florida.
But anyway, at the risk of sounding like one of those wacko conspiracy theorist, I've begun to wonder if the sideshow of political process has become something to distract us from what's really going on behind the scenes. (Pay no mind to that man behind the curtain!) I’m starting to think that all the stupid inflammatory remarks that get so much press are completely bogus and designed to divide us and make us argue amongst ourselves. If Solomon were around today he’d have to get out his saw because nobody cares enough about this baby to keep it in one piece anymore. I’m afraid that we have come to feel so entitled that we forget to consider that what’s good for the whole can sometimes run contrary to the desires of the individual. As Mick Jagger has been saying for years, “You can't always get what you want.”
But why the need for the
distraction you ask? Because no platform, no policy, no mandate and no
figurehead can fix what’s broken in this country in 4 years or eight or even
twenty. The Democrats blame the Republicans and the Republicans point the
finger of blame at the Democrats and while they are busy playing ping pong with
our finances, our liberty and emotions, nothing ever really gets accomplished.
No matter who gets in office, he will blame his predecessor for the mess he was
left with when really it's just been snowballing for about 75 years.
It's a sad commentary
that we are left to choose the lesser of 2 evils when voting. Gee, do I want to
vote for Moe or Larry? And what about Curly?
Why can we never have a serious 3
party race? I'd be down for a Curly or
even a Shemp for a change. And why can't
we just choose from the pack that starts the race? You know, those guys who run out of money
early on so they can't compete. With today's technology, there's no real reason
to “hit the campaign trail” and waste a bunch of money. That whole business is
completely obsolete. And I for one love
the part where both candidates like to claim that the other guy is rich and out
of touch with the average guy on the street. Who are they kidding? I'm pretty
sure that anyone running for the office of president is rich when compared to
the largest segment of the population of this country. And the out-of-touch part just seems to
follow suit, because when you are rubbing elbows with people who pay $50,000 a
plate for dinner to help get you elected you probably don't have much in common
with people eating beans and cornbread and shopping at the Dollar General. Don't get me wrong. I am not a reverse snob
who hates people who have money. Quite the contrary, I hope to be one of them
one day. I just want candidates to stop using that against each other. It just
rings hollow.
If I am starting to
sound like the ghost of Andy Rooney, I apologize. And if my eyebrows look like
his then someone please help me. You may think that I have become jaded but I
like to think of the layers of age that cover my brain and color my thinking as
patina because I am not a misanthrope. I do believe that there are people who
genuinely want the world to be a better place; people who would use political
influence for good. But the layers of patina have been added through years of
consistent exposure to the harsh reality that all too frequently those type
people never make it to the top. The absolute best candidate for president
would be a true middle class house wife and mother (not a Sarah or a Hillary,
the real deal)-- someone who can set up a workable budget and understands that
when there is no money, you don't buy things.
A seriously pared down version of IRS would collect 10% from each of
us—no cheating—and then leave us alone. Our White House Mother would encourage working from home and building small business
instead of punishing people for trying to crawl out of the hole. Bartering
would be encouraged. Her foreign policy would be: We won't bother you if you
don't bother us, but if you can't play nice, expect a time out. She would
advise the healthcare industry and insurance companies to kiss and make up
because they don't want to make her stop what she is doing and come in there to
break up the fight. Come to think of it, if you haven't voted yet, just write
in my sister Darlene's name. She's really kind of bossy but she always seems to
be right and you totally want her on your side in a pillow fight.
Anyway, the next 4 years
will go by and I predict that if your life is any better it will be directly
related to something you did to make it better. Maybe you will change jobs or
go back to school or relocate or come back home. Maybe you will re-prioritize
your life or move into a cottage that has a garden attached instead of a
mortgage. Maybe you will start a family. Maybe you will just change your
mindset and decide to be happy no matter what your circumstances. But no one is
ever going to “policy” you into a better life and when they say they can, I
just want to call “shenanigans” and kick them in the shins. But for now, I will
pop some popcorn and put on my pajamas and watch this scary movie play out.
